My husband and eldest daughter have posted thoughtful and well-written reflections on the wedding of our youngest daughter, Dorea, this past weekend. Dan blogs over at Toucanic.net and you can find his post here. Aletheia's post is one of my favorite things about the wedding. You can read it here.

Here's a list of things I'm realizing. Somehow I thought that I'd be done learning things once the wedding was over, but it turns out, there's plenty of wisdom to be garnered even several days after an event like this. So here goes:

1. If you love your child, then love your child's spouse, and love those whom your child and your child's spouse love. Don't worry about not having enough. Like the water that fills up those holes you used to dig at the beach, love will keep pouring in.

2. Process hurt, but don't take offense. Be truthful, but then let it go. Not everything will go well. In the stress of the wedding (a friend quoted his parish priest as saying that weddings are high state occasions organized by amateurs under stress), it is not unusual to have some difficult moments. Don't gloss over them, but don't hold onto them. Forgiveness allows you to be emotionally open to all the good that is there.

3. Wonder overwhelms the senses. More will happen at the wedding than you can possibly process in the moment. Be open to take it in, but trust that you can unpack it in days to come. Memory and reflection are wonderful gifts.

4. Weddings can feel surreal. Go with it. You have no baseline to guide you, but it doesn't mean that the experience is not real. Just new.

5. Be thankful for as many things as you can notice. Gratitude brings an expansive heart.

6. Share. The day, your child, the work, the joy. Be open to the experiences of others; their viewpoints will make the experience even richer.
7/21/2011 03:40:42 am

excellent. i suspect that there will be many more reflections as even more time passes. i'd like to add--treat grace as a best friend. you can never spent too much time with her or tell her too many secrets. she is a very good friend.

Yvonne Shorb
7/21/2011 09:31:02 am

I'm glad there are people like the Schmidts who are so good at expressing in words. I love it. When one doesn't feel she can say it in the same way, she appreciates all the more what others can say. I can say that I learned some of these same things at the weddings of our children. They are a treasure for sure!

7/22/2011 06:40:24 am

Thanks Yvonne,
I think writing helps us all process!


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